By Katie Azevedo, M.Ed.
This is Part 2 of a series about how parents can help their child manage high school. Read Part 1.
As I discussed in Part 1, parents of high schoolers often struggle to find the balance between helping their child be successful, and setting up their child to be an independent learner.
Remember the golden nugget from part 1: Helping doesnât mean stepping in at the 11th hour to do your kidâs assignments: helping is about teaching him or her the skills to be an independent learner.
3 more ways that parents of high schoolers can help their child manage school
1. Donât shame the struggle.
Learning is hard. Itâs supposed to be hard. Itâs supposed to irritate your brain and make you feel like running in the opposite direction. I wish more people knew this! Somehow the message got out that if our children think something is hard, then thereâs something wrong.
This just isnât so!
Sure, thereâs the issue of learning disabilities and ADHD and things like that: I have a Master’s Degree in Special Education, so trust me when I tell you that I understand this caveat.
But the facts are that most people donât have a learning disability. Most people (without a disability) who struggle with learning have been taught that struggling to understand new material is problematic, and that itâs a warning sign.
No! Learning is SUPPOSED to be hard. Itâs supposed to trigger what we call âcognitive agitation,â which is not exactly a warm and fuzzy feeling. But itâs normal and neurologically one of the most important parts of the learning process.
So how can parents use this information to help their child manage high school?
Normalize the struggle. Give them the language to understand that itâs not a warning sign of something going wrong. Itâs not an alert that thereâs an issue. Donât shame the struggle. Teach them about it, teach them to expect it, and teach them the skills to learn, acquire and retain information in a way thatâs efficient, also known as study skills. These are the exact skills I teach in my video tutorials and private coaching. Your child needs these skills to be successful.
2. Recognize signs of anxiety and overwhelm.
(If your child is experiencing pervasive and prolonged anxiety that interferes with daily functioning, seek a doctor.)
High school is hard. Thereâs a lot of work. Sometimes there are two tests on the same day, which happens to be on the same day of a big game, which also happens to be the day that another teacher assigns a huge essay.
In other words, your child is going to feel anxious and overwhelmed at times. Itâs our job as parents to recognize when our child is feeling overwhelmed and also to give them opportunities to share that information with us. We should teach them the language to talk about anxious feelings and give them the tools to manage these temporary moments.
Teach your child about managing time, prioritizing, writing things down in an external memory system, brain-dumping and avoiding their personal triggers.
One of the most common triggers for anxiety is connected to a feeling of ânot enough time to do all the thingsâ – so thatâs why teaching these time-management skills is one of the best ways to help your high schooler manage school.
3. Let them teach you something.
Your high school child spends the majority of her day being taught things and told things. She is the object of instruction all day long. This can be exhausting.
Throughout the week, perhaps in car rides or waiting in the dentistâs office, ask your child to teach you something sheâs learning. It could be something academic or otherwise, but the point would be for you to listen.
Use active listening strategies such as:
- making eye contact
- putting down your phone
- not interrupting
- not adding an âuh-huhâ after each of her pauses
- Keeping your hands still and empty
Ask her open-ended questions such as âtell me more about thatâ or âwhat do you think about that?â If sheâs talking about something sheâs learning in school and you think itâs confusing or boring (the history of the Pythagorean Theorem might not be your thing), act like youâre fascinated. Ask critical questions to encourage her to keep teaching it.
Giving your child the chance to be the teacher for once has a ton of benefits. First, students better process and understand what theyâre learning when they talk about it. As she struggles to explain something to you, sheâs solidifying the information in her own brain: as she teaches, she learns!
Second, each one of these interactions tells your child that you care. That youâre there. That youâre interested in what sheâs interested in. Itâs a chance to normalize learning and knowledge-sharing. Itâs a chance for you to model active listening skills, intelligent questioning, and critical thinking.
Can you honestly think of a better way to help your child manage high school?